Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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