Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
