Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
