he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
its not stalking. its research.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize