That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
