Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
