the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
