so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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