people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
