Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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