dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
