life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
