Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
