You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
