the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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