I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
