I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
