Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
