i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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