wrigley field is MILF paradise
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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