every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
