I can text with my tongue
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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