so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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