allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
