Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
