If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
