god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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