have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
