Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
