We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We are two peas in an std pod
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
