I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
