In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
