he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
