All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
