Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize