It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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