I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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