I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
