if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
