After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
