My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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