we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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