I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
