just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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