WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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