i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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