New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
