ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
