I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
