Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she pinky promised me she was 18
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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