when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
