i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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