Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
