that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
