I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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