hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
