this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
