He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't deserve a penis
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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