Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
