dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
