just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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