Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
