Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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