you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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