Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize