Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
