also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
