how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
