I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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