I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
