She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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