Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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