Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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