The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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