i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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