Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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