It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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