I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
