you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
