I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
