I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize