Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
babies were throwing up all over the place
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
