I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
