Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
