I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
