Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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