I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
