Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
