hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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