So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize