Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
