why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
