Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
