dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
