Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
