I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
