i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
