I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
