it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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