Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
