Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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