Define "chronic" masturbator.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
