I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
