Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
