remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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