Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
