He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
