If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
