He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
