This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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