I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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