Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
