I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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